I'll get that t-shirt if it's the last thing I do!

Oh yes my friends. I was out running this morning, as you do. And I had a little flashback to the days of extreme yore.

Not the days where I spent my nights completely trashed on Midori illusion shakers or even, off guts on those evil alcoholic slurpees from Frostbites (hey, if you haven't been rolling drunk, screaming your request at the Dan Ryder Band to play a classic Aussie rock song, such as Onion Skin or Run to Paradise, I don't think you've really lived).

But more the days when my education consisted of a force-feeding of BTN, playing that lemonade game (ooh inflation - now that's a big word) and making a little green turtle draw lines on a black computer screen.

If there was a rain delay during P.E. at primary school we had to watch the children's classic - Sammy's Super T-Shirt. What a classy flick that was.

There was Sammy, a tiny pipsqueak of a boy, who wanted desperately to be a sporting superstar.

Pipsqueak is not the preferred nomenclature, height-challenged please.

And there was Marvin, Sammy's BFF, who was helping him train for some long distance run. Sammy had a 'lucky' shirt - with a tiger on it. Much to Sammy's dismay, the t-shirt gets thrown into the window of a science lab by two school bullies where, after some short circuiting and an explosion, it becomes a super t-shirt; giving its wearer extreme physical powers.

Of course the scientists find out about the t-shirt's awesomeness. Sammy and Marvin get chased. But Sammy escapes in the process he jumps over walls, stop cars with his hand, blasts down the road like a rocket, throws a flagpole after pulling it up with ease...

Then something happens where the quoteable quote is duly appropriate: 'where's the cheese?"

Sammy then goes in the race and his t-shirt works well until about the middle of the race. Just when the scientists turn up to take it, the t-shirt's awesomeness wears off completely. But then of course, Sammy wins the race anyway. Off his own bat. Without the super t-shirt.

Look closely - doesn't the podium look like the back of a Collingwood jumper? No?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I want one. Who's in?

Review - Rainbow Serpent Festival

On the weekend, I went to Rainbow Serpent. Located way out west where the rain don’t fall. That's Beaufort to the locals.

Why did I go? Well let’s just say, the chance of a ‘root’ was just too good to pass up. Thanks Mr Cox.

Snakespsssssssss

Highlights:

* Prolific use of the c-bomb by the HDP crew.

* Nenad’s magical op shop delights.

* Hodgey: What’s the time Mr C\/nt?

* Russell: I accidentally the whole (insert noun here).

* Car with ‘ang’ number plates.

* The NBL ball with the screw.

* Timmehh – particularly his fluoro.

* Ben – aka Egyptian Sun God.

* Amber fluids, water bottles, sprinklers, vanilla vodka (thanks C and C!) and actives of the psycho variety.

* And you know, plenty of good ol' fashioned fun:

Lowlights:

* Prolific use of the c-bomb by the incredibly nasal-voiced (in fact, nasal-enough-to-put-Fran-Fine-to-shame) bogan.

* The Deathstar.

* Sam going head over handlebars on Matt’s candy striped bike. Result? A refashioning of his chest to look like one of those ‘Where is Spot?’ flaps.

* Not really dealing with the extreme dip in temperature at night time. I was not prepared for the microclimate. Brrrrrrr.

* Dirt and its ability to penetrate through everything. Saw dust too. Ewwwwwwww.

* Samvir not making the trip.

And you know what? I think I’ll do it all over again next year.

RSF: 4 and a 1/2 stars.

Found.

Jon Favreau has been netted by the smart yet saucy Ali Campoverdi.

This is like Sam Seaborne hooking up with Donna Moss...

We're not entirely comfortable with this situation.

A case of flipping the script? Other 'insiders' say JF is gay. I say they are jealous.

Backbench Beat II

Episode 2 - My Big Fat Greek MP

Steve Georganas is the local MP of the seat of Hindmarsh. Inner West Adelaide. An electorate which includes the palindromic Glenelg and the crow eating kapi-tal in West Lakes.

Lord of the Zorba. And that's daaancing, not dancing.

Stevie Gorgonzola was the sitting member at the time of the 2007 election, having won the seat in 2004 by a sliver of a whisker (or, on a two-party preferred basis, a swing of just 1%). Having increased his majority at the last election, Stevie is no longer a man on the margins. Steve likes long walks on the beach and can solve a rubik's cube in 6 minutes or less.

Gorgonzola's finest moments

For a backbencher, Steve is not shy - participating in 70 debates in the past year, an above-average amount.

And he certainly has a lot to say about octagenarians! His electorate is full of old biddys- so it is no surprise that he plays into their frail, psoriasis-riddled hands more often than not. Something that Crikey criticised prior to the 2007 election.

Because we haven't seen our fannies for a VERY long time...

From his maiden speech: "As a society, our older citizens concerns me greatly. Many older people talk about having become invisible to others. but it is so much more than that. Many of these people have gone through wars, they've worked all their lives, they've paid their taxes, they've contributed towards building this country."

One word people: fetish. And you thought Marquis de Sade was into some kinky business?

Since re-election, Gorgs has been getting particularly more porcine:

I'm as Australian as political protest.

And most recently, Steve has been waxing phat on what Australia Day means to him.

I accidentally the whole BBQ.

Good work.

The Dude abides.

Ova load at the women's tennis

Is it just me or is the WTA ova-abundant? Indeed, one might say the WTA's proverbial fallopian tubes are bursting at the seams with a continuous flow of -ova.

Ova the top.

There are 21 instances of -ova in the top 100 alone. Ova's hail from Russia, Slovakia, the Czech Republic, Bulgaria, Belarus, Uzbekistan and, surprisingly, Kazakhstan.

So what to make of this ova-supply of -ova? Perhaps it was the first documented, incredibly vowel-rich -ova - Martina Navratilova - that inspired half the female youth population in Eastern Europe to start hitting up on weekends? After 18 Grand Slam singles titles, not to mention 31 Grand Slam doubles titles, Martina truly set the -ova benchmark. The seminal -ova. Her legacy of being the master of grass and, later, carpet, was a trait that was taken up by future -ovas.

Ova the net, you go.

Then came the second -ova - Hana Mandlíková. She was a gutsy wielder of the racquet and won an admirable 6 Grand Slam singles titles. Hana, however, was not so partial to carpet or grass, instead Hana was fond of hard courts.

How you doin'?

All this success clearly egged on the current generation of -ovas.

Today, the highest ranked -ova is Svetlana Kuznetsova. Also known as the tree trunk leg -ova, Svets can pack a punch with all that tonnage.

Tonka tough.

Not only did she have to face a tough fight in her first round match at this year's Open, but she was forced to defeat another -ova! The -ova in question was Anastasia Rodionova, who plays for Australia. However, after a dubious injury time out, Svets was well justified in rolling over the top of a fellow -ova.

Following Svets is the tasty minx -ova, Maria Sharapova. She certainly does not hold back with her fiesty grunts, penchant for fisting and...

No known gag reflex.

A series of -ovas follow - Nadia Petrova, another carpet lover. Nards is also built like a brick factory. Domnika Cibulkova and Daniela Hantuchova, both sweet lil' apple pies who fumble at the majors. The list of -ovas is a long one.

Perhaps the most committed to the -ova cause is Barbora Zahlavova-Strycova - the only double-barreled -ova in existence.

Thank you -ovas. Without you women's tennis would virtually cease to exist.

Ova and out.

More $$ ≠ more O's - the mysterious case of religion trumping science.

Here is a quote from the Bible, the King James Version to be precise.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. - Luke, Gospel according to, 12:34, written at least 1000 years ago.

A new scientific study has found that this quote still holds today. Well, sort of. The study found that the larger the man's wallet (in terms of a large wad of $$, not a large wad of receipts George Constanza style), the more a woman will orgasm.

Based on surveys of 5,000 people across the P.R.C. (or China for short), British researchers have found that “women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner.” He went on to say that women's attraction to men that are fiscally flush is an "evolutionary adaptation." And it also was a signal of 'quality'. A psychologist that conducted the study said: “What those orgasms are saying is ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children.'

Returning now to the Bible. First up, we have Adam and Eve going for it in the Garden of Eden:

Adam travels light - just the one AMEX card under that thin fig leaf - and Eve looks suitably impressed.

And now let's see how a richer man from the Book of Deuteronomy is going with his new wife:

New wife is striking a starfish pose. And the husband, I suspect, is already regretting his marriage decision.

Clearly my high level analysis has totally rebutted the Chinese scientific study.

Conclusion = Money does not produce more orgasms but merely increases the quality and/or quantity of faking.

Where in the world is...

Carmen Sandiego?

Jon Favreau.

This man is the real life Sam Seaborne. He is an allegory ace and a cadence master. He is a sheer genius. He writes Magnum Opus after Magnum Opus.

But that's all I know about him. I want more. MORE!

President Obama is never going to...

Give you up, let you down, run around and desert you:




Oh what a speech. What a moment in history. Feel the love.

You can have too much of a good thing.

Now you all know that I love Obama. But just how many magazine covers can this guy be on? A walk past a newstand recently answered this question.

Answer: All of them (except perhaps Jugs).

Too much of you? Bad, bad, bad! It goes straight to your thighs!

And I certainly think I've had enough of the Fairey Hope image:

The most viewed item on Planet Earth after Madonna's breasts.

Particularly because he thinks its why the man got elected: Other than helping Obama be elected, the other most phenomenal result of this poster is that it’s really opened a lot of people’s eyes to the value of art. - Shepard Fairey, artist, aka extreme Tall Poppy, aka complete and utter knob.

Dear Fairey, Thank you for being such a caring individual, Sincerely, RoW.

I think its time to clear the Etch a Sketch and focus on running the country.

Change has come to America.

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." - President-Elect Barack Obama's Acceptance Speech on Election Night.

I must say, I still tear up after I watch the YouTube clip of that speech. Even after the 11th time, it is still THAT powerful.

On the other hand, the United States and the RoW will soon bid adieu to the 43rd President of the United States. A man who has no equal. A man who has been labelled the worst of his kind.

Misguided policies, a war on false pretences, a truly shambolic response to a natural disaster... the list of stuff ups is long and, quite frankly, disturbing.

But one thing that Georgie Boy excelled at was bringing a smile to your dial through an unintentional gaffe.

To celebrate the last few days of Dubya's eight years in office, I, like many other sites on 'The Internets', would like to run through what I consider to be George's finest moments.

12 - "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."

11 - "Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?"

10 - "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."

9 - "I don’t particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it."

8 - "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

7 - "Tribal sovereignty means that, it's sovereign. You're a—you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And, therefore, the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."

6 - "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."

5 - "It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life."

4 - "Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."

3 - "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table."

2 - "In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible—whatever that means."

1 - "I think we agree, the past is over."

An entire list of gaffes can be found here.

I'll be glad to see the back of you Dubya.

I could not resist squeezing one more in -- "I'll be long gone
before some smart person ever figures out what
happened inside this Oval Office."

2009 - transmission is resumed.

Hello all,

I must apologise. Your appetite for my insightful drivel is surely growing at an alarming, anorexia-inducing rate.

It's about f*g time, you woke up!

WAD, I was just having way too much fun IRL. :)))

So I could probably deliberate for a few more hours on the enriching experiences that I had over the course of my overseas holiday -- the lessons learned, the benefits gained... but I won't.

Instead, I think it's best that I head off to the pub for a cold one. Only within the AC-d confines will an epiphany of greatness come to me and I'll be able to work something up over the weekend for you to enjoy so much that you jis (only a little) in your Sunday slacks.

Love McLove
Kid A