Kid A: Wo xiang mai ma. Duoshao quian?
Owner: Zhe bugui. Yibai million yuan.
Kid A: Tai gue le.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Barbie's fun house.
The ultimate pleasure palace.
Kid A: Wo xiang mai ma. Duoshao quian?
Owner: Zhe bugui. Yibai million yuan.
Kid A: Tai gue le.
Kid A: Wo xiang mai ma. Duoshao quian?
Owner: Zhe bugui. Yibai million yuan.
Kid A: Tai gue le.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Surfin' on a rock-ette with Idol.
Last Sunday was allegedly a display of 11 singers belting out some rockin' rock hits. I don't know about you but I thought it was the musical equivalent of a herd of cows depositing collective runny foecal output after gorging themselves on a particularly large grassy meadow.
*Sigh*
It soon became clear that I heard better renditions of the salt and pepper in the rock recipe - Jet and Muse - the last time I was at Charlton's.
But here we are. After last's week fairly solid set of performances, I thought these puppies were thrown down.
I think you'll find that these were merely placed here
To open proceedings on rock nite, we kicked out the suburban sweetheart, Ashleigh. She was in the bottom 3 along with Jimmy Donovan and Christian Tim. Kid A's tipping of 2 out of 3 was not bad. Not bad at all.
The judges were a little sad about this with the exception of the Marcia-God. She was wearing a fashion tribute to her favourite band, Banarama. Her face was puckered tightly and so she looked like a stone gargoyle. Perhaps too much botox this week sister-girlfriend?
Our special guest this week was Suzi Q. We drove down Devil Gate Drive... in a horse and cart. What was particularly scary about this performance was Suze's leather coated camel toe. I think she needed to say goodbye to the spray on onesie in the mid 90s and the moul-et. The hair took up half the stage by itself.
You don’t do rock n roll – it does you;
similarly - you don't do mullets - they do you.
Next week we have Mr Goodrem join us. Please tell me the theme is going to be... TV jingles. Yeah!
The possibilities are exciting:
*Sigh*
It soon became clear that I heard better renditions of the salt and pepper in the rock recipe - Jet and Muse - the last time I was at Charlton's.
But here we are. After last's week fairly solid set of performances, I thought these puppies were thrown down.
I think you'll find that these were merely placed hereTo open proceedings on rock nite, we kicked out the suburban sweetheart, Ashleigh. She was in the bottom 3 along with Jimmy Donovan and Christian Tim. Kid A's tipping of 2 out of 3 was not bad. Not bad at all.
The judges were a little sad about this with the exception of the Marcia-God. She was wearing a fashion tribute to her favourite band, Banarama. Her face was puckered tightly and so she looked like a stone gargoyle. Perhaps too much botox this week sister-girlfriend?
Our special guest this week was Suzi Q. We drove down Devil Gate Drive... in a horse and cart. What was particularly scary about this performance was Suze's leather coated camel toe. I think she needed to say goodbye to the spray on onesie in the mid 90s and the moul-et. The hair took up half the stage by itself.
You don’t do rock n roll – it does you;similarly - you don't do mullets - they do you.
Given things were so lacking musically, I will not dwell on the performances too long. Perhaps the distinct absence of a porcine prince or princess is what's to blame? Confucius say: shallow pipes do not maketh the rock lord.
- Hayley Warner Bros - she did work it. Sadly it resembled a Yooralla ad more closely than a video clip.
- Jimmy Donovan - well, let's not talk about the singing because words can't describe how lame and shithouse it was. However, did you see the bevy of tatts adorning his buff arms? The most interesting one was on his inner right arm. I swear I saw three chests from the Totem Treasure slot machine. Is your gambling ruining your life? I think so. Please don't ruin mine any longer!
- Kate was 'under' Cook-ed. Query her true sexual preferences - man, woman or cow?
- Nathan put the brakes on his shimmies (thank God). There is a lot more left in his Idol tank though so he'll be baaaaaaaack.
- Toby did turn into a beetroot when he mused his way through Starlight. The band was shocking. Horrendous. The textured sounds of that song were being played from a little kids Casio piano... or the back of a Tibetan tin bucket.
- Tim was worst on ground. He tried very hard but yeah nah. Soz. It's a pity that moths ate his shirt in the green room backstage too.
- Sabrina Teenage Witch unleashed another round of screech. There was some emotions and tears and blah and blah. Not too bad. Kudos from the judges
- James is like a chia pet - he grows about a mm each week. I did like this. He reminds me of Peter Pan.
- Scott is so comfortable, he starting off dozing on the stage. The DJ scratching during this song was just embarrassingly bad. The singing was average. It's a good thing he's so hot. He'll get through to next week.
- Kim - would you stop singing like you are an American - Cooper. Act your race please.
- Stan - you brought Metallica to Idol. A+ for attitude and effort. But you are sadly, not a patch on James Hetfield.
Next week we have Mr Goodrem join us. Please tell me the theme is going to be... TV jingles. Yeah!
The possibilities are exciting:
- Doors Plus, no fuss.
- Go Harvey, Go Harvey, Go Harvey Norman! Go!
- Around the block, 13 cabs... 13 cabs, 13 cabs, 13 cabs
- Lubemobile, the mobbbbbbile mechanics
- Victory, victory, the winning blinds, 13 13 99
- Clive Peeeters, e, e, eeeeeasy
- Keep your eyes open for a barrrrrgain, CAR CITY!
- Come in and see the good good good guys, pay cash and we'll slash the prices
- Ray's Tent City, come see what we've got, from tents to barbeques, we've got the lot
- And my personal fav: Call call carpet call, the experts in the trade
Monday, September 14, 2009
Down to The Wire
As I am about to lend all my DVDs of this fine show to my bestie's housemate, I thought it was time to pay homage to the sheer excellence that is The Wire.
*SPOILER ALERT - I WILL RUIN EVERYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU READ ON!!!*
The Wire is one of HBO's finest offerings. An absolute marvel. It outpaces, outstrips, outdoes The Shield (sorry Vic Mackey, you are not a patch on everyone's favourite alcoholic, two marriages down the gurgler, trouble making cop Jimmy McNulty) and it makes those other cop shows - NCIS/CSI/NYPD Blue/Law & Order - look like Funniest Home Videos where no one laughs, let alone watches.
The opening credits are cinematic gems in and of themselves. Each series has the same title track - Way Down in the Hole by Tom Waits. 'When you walk through the garden, you better watch your back.'
The only common part of the opening title sequence across the five seasons is the rock thrown at the CCTV camera (which I imagine took about 835 takes to get right, but gee its good) and the shot of the alley with the graffiti - Body-More # Murdaland (where # is a big bullet).
As for the actual TV show? It is centred on a wire tap. Hence the name. It is about cops and criminals but it stands above other TV shows of the same ilk. In fact it is probably a genre on to itself. There is no solving of cases every episode with the typical twist - he/she did it, oh no hang on, the least likely person to do it actually did it. There is none of that.
It isn't about black and white; it isn't about good and bad. There are contradictions in terms – a sharp cop that doesn’t just flout authority but writes his own rule book; a drug kingpin that is studying for his MBA and trying to use his economic skills to secure his gang’s long term future; a gay criminal that steals from drug dealers like a modern day Robin Hood and a dobbing junkie who has a sharp mind, who is able to quickly discern what a drug gang's next move will be, and curiously, has a heart of gold.
It is about the game in the dirty streets of Baltimore.
Select a player
It is realism at its finest. The hierarchical system is explored, its flaws exposed; from the drug kingpin down to the corner boy, from the Mayor and the Chief Police Commissioner down to the cop on the beat.
The dialogue in The Wire is raw street. Sometimes it is a little hard to understand but a few oft used phrases are as follows:
In detail - let's take it season by season.
Season 1 was the more traditional set up – cops vs. drug dealers. The cops didn't know their own beats. The kingpins and corner boys exploited this. Enter one smart cop. Enter wire tap. Intercepting and interpreting codes and secrets leads to a big scalp but not without blurring the lines between right and wrong.
Season 2 focused on the corruption down at the docks. The head union official would stop at nothing to stave off the developers who wanted to turn his port into a condominium paradise. Wheeling and dealing with criminals was seen as a necessity to reverse the port’s declining fortunes. There was camaraderie amongst the wharfies until the bitter end. This season also zeroed in on the emerging drug war – east vs west. Two drug gangs battle for more turf and, in turn, more profits.
Season 3 sees the drug war that commenced in Season 2 escalate. The interim solution to the war is somewhat surprising – a drug co-op. A pooling of resources, a sharing of the (stolen) wealth. The political element also comes into play in this season — a Mayor is running for Governor and several city councillors are running for Mayor, who all need the city to look its best. Some are comfortable with the mere façade that things are getting better, some want real change. It's interpreted by the cops as the former - the cops cook the books so the crime rate comes down. One rogue, adventurous cop tries something entirely different to decrease the crime rate --- legalises drugs in a certain area. While creates a microcosm of depravity, he is successful in cleaning up the rest of the city. But this bizarre brand of socialism does not last. The status quo ultimately prevails as all parties to the drug war appear to have a vested interest in preserving it.
Season 4 taps into the fallibilities of the public school system. Again, the focus is on statistics. One teacher tries to make a difference before falling into the mould and teaching the ‘answers’ to the state school proficiency test. It's the only way to ensure the numbers are met so the funding dollars roll in. And then we find out, it’s all in vain. The best and brightest students are cherry picked by drug kingpins and their lieutenants as future mid level management. Meanwhile, the new drug lord exterminates anyone who gets in his way leaving body after body to rot in vacant houses. The cops pull things together at the end as a new Mayor is elected.
Finally, season 5 shows that there is corruption in those who are supposed to be the monitors of corruption - the Baltimore Sun and the Baltimore Police Department. At the Baltimore Sun, cutting employee numbers and budgets has led to sloppy, lazy journalism. There are very few left at the paper that keep an eye on the details and in turn, effect any meaningful change in society by keeping readers informed. At the cop shop, budgets are also taking their toll meaning no real police work is being done. This season is about a journo's aggressive pursuit of a Pulitzer, fabricating details in news stories just so he has a chance of fame. It's also about a cop's aggressive pursuit of criminals, falsifying evidence around murders to ensure that the real bad guys end up in jail.
A+++
*SPOILER ALERT - I WILL RUIN EVERYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU READ ON!!!*
The Wire is one of HBO's finest offerings. An absolute marvel. It outpaces, outstrips, outdoes The Shield (sorry Vic Mackey, you are not a patch on everyone's favourite alcoholic, two marriages down the gurgler, trouble making cop Jimmy McNulty) and it makes those other cop shows - NCIS/CSI/NYPD Blue/Law & Order - look like Funniest Home Videos where no one laughs, let alone watches.
The opening credits are cinematic gems in and of themselves. Each series has the same title track - Way Down in the Hole by Tom Waits. 'When you walk through the garden, you better watch your back.'
The only common part of the opening title sequence across the five seasons is the rock thrown at the CCTV camera (which I imagine took about 835 takes to get right, but gee its good) and the shot of the alley with the graffiti - Body-More # Murdaland (where # is a big bullet).
As for the actual TV show? It is centred on a wire tap. Hence the name. It is about cops and criminals but it stands above other TV shows of the same ilk. In fact it is probably a genre on to itself. There is no solving of cases every episode with the typical twist - he/she did it, oh no hang on, the least likely person to do it actually did it. There is none of that.
It isn't about black and white; it isn't about good and bad. There are contradictions in terms – a sharp cop that doesn’t just flout authority but writes his own rule book; a drug kingpin that is studying for his MBA and trying to use his economic skills to secure his gang’s long term future; a gay criminal that steals from drug dealers like a modern day Robin Hood and a dobbing junkie who has a sharp mind, who is able to quickly discern what a drug gang's next move will be, and curiously, has a heart of gold.
It is about the game in the dirty streets of Baltimore.
Select a playerIt is realism at its finest. The hierarchical system is explored, its flaws exposed; from the drug kingpin down to the corner boy, from the Mayor and the Chief Police Commissioner down to the cop on the beat.
The dialogue in The Wire is raw street. Sometimes it is a little hard to understand but a few oft used phrases are as follows:
- In the game = selling drugs to make a living.
- Ya feel me? = do you know what I mean?
- Most def = absolutely, for sure; literally the abbreviation of most definitely.
- Hamsterdam = selling drugs in a three block by three block area where the cops don't care.
- Real po - leece = a cop that actually does police work.
- Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttt = Clay Davis is having a bad day.
- What the fuck did I do? = McNulty did something that the bosses don't like... again.
In detail - let's take it season by season.
Season 1 was the more traditional set up – cops vs. drug dealers. The cops didn't know their own beats. The kingpins and corner boys exploited this. Enter one smart cop. Enter wire tap. Intercepting and interpreting codes and secrets leads to a big scalp but not without blurring the lines between right and wrong.
Season 2 focused on the corruption down at the docks. The head union official would stop at nothing to stave off the developers who wanted to turn his port into a condominium paradise. Wheeling and dealing with criminals was seen as a necessity to reverse the port’s declining fortunes. There was camaraderie amongst the wharfies until the bitter end. This season also zeroed in on the emerging drug war – east vs west. Two drug gangs battle for more turf and, in turn, more profits.
Season 3 sees the drug war that commenced in Season 2 escalate. The interim solution to the war is somewhat surprising – a drug co-op. A pooling of resources, a sharing of the (stolen) wealth. The political element also comes into play in this season — a Mayor is running for Governor and several city councillors are running for Mayor, who all need the city to look its best. Some are comfortable with the mere façade that things are getting better, some want real change. It's interpreted by the cops as the former - the cops cook the books so the crime rate comes down. One rogue, adventurous cop tries something entirely different to decrease the crime rate --- legalises drugs in a certain area. While creates a microcosm of depravity, he is successful in cleaning up the rest of the city. But this bizarre brand of socialism does not last. The status quo ultimately prevails as all parties to the drug war appear to have a vested interest in preserving it.
Season 4 taps into the fallibilities of the public school system. Again, the focus is on statistics. One teacher tries to make a difference before falling into the mould and teaching the ‘answers’ to the state school proficiency test. It's the only way to ensure the numbers are met so the funding dollars roll in. And then we find out, it’s all in vain. The best and brightest students are cherry picked by drug kingpins and their lieutenants as future mid level management. Meanwhile, the new drug lord exterminates anyone who gets in his way leaving body after body to rot in vacant houses. The cops pull things together at the end as a new Mayor is elected.
Finally, season 5 shows that there is corruption in those who are supposed to be the monitors of corruption - the Baltimore Sun and the Baltimore Police Department. At the Baltimore Sun, cutting employee numbers and budgets has led to sloppy, lazy journalism. There are very few left at the paper that keep an eye on the details and in turn, effect any meaningful change in society by keeping readers informed. At the cop shop, budgets are also taking their toll meaning no real police work is being done. This season is about a journo's aggressive pursuit of a Pulitzer, fabricating details in news stories just so he has a chance of fame. It's also about a cop's aggressive pursuit of criminals, falsifying evidence around murders to ensure that the real bad guys end up in jail.
A+++
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Blood sugar sex idol
Not you Billy, the Australian variety.
That's right folks. Last Sunday night, almost a week ago now, I turned once again to the Idol chapter in my television book.
The last of the top 12 was finalised with little pomp and circumstance. The G-banger swiftly introduced Toby (hot school teacher who has one of the weakest voices in the competition) and Hayley (already tipped by yours truly for a podium finish) as the 9th and 10th place getters in the top 12.
The judges then put in Casey (oh so now we know he is one eye blind, thanks Channel 10) and Tim (nice enough but meh enough to only last a few weeks).
Ashleigh was first with “Miss Independent”. Ashleigh is 17 going on 42. The band were nothing short of shite - there were some gratey synth noises coming from all instruments except the drums. This exposed to us all that the loss of everyone's favourite muppet, John Foreman, has been immeasurable. Ashleigh has that mainstream shopping centre look and feel. But the sound is more Vanessa Amorosi 2.0, also adept at working the stage at Knifepoint or even worse, Fountain Hate. Let's hope she brings out the Black Velvet to show us that she can run the full Myle.
She could be my daughter.
Then we had Scott. Curious back story - 'no one has ever heard him sing'. I think the appeal lies in the 'this could be me' part of the equation..............
Anyway, Scott sang "Come Together". I've got to say that he is a quadruple threat - hot, fit, can sing and can put his brick anywhere. I feel like I want to do things in a feverish passion when he is around - I'm Rebecca Mornay to a breast pump in the Hand that Rocks the Cradle.
Text Scott to 191010
Yeehaw.
Tips for bottom 3 = Casey, Tim and James. Casey to get the boot.
That's right folks. Last Sunday night, almost a week ago now, I turned once again to the Idol chapter in my television book.
The last of the top 12 was finalised with little pomp and circumstance. The G-banger swiftly introduced Toby (hot school teacher who has one of the weakest voices in the competition) and Hayley (already tipped by yours truly for a podium finish) as the 9th and 10th place getters in the top 12.
The judges then put in Casey (oh so now we know he is one eye blind, thanks Channel 10) and Tim (nice enough but meh enough to only last a few weeks).
Ashleigh was first with “Miss Independent”. Ashleigh is 17 going on 42. The band were nothing short of shite - there were some gratey synth noises coming from all instruments except the drums. This exposed to us all that the loss of everyone's favourite muppet, John Foreman, has been immeasurable. Ashleigh has that mainstream shopping centre look and feel. But the sound is more Vanessa Amorosi 2.0, also adept at working the stage at Knifepoint or even worse, Fountain Hate. Let's hope she brings out the Black Velvet to show us that she can run the full Myle.
She could be my daughter.Then we had Scott. Curious back story - 'no one has ever heard him sing'. I think the appeal lies in the 'this could be me' part of the equation..............
Anyway, Scott sang "Come Together". I've got to say that he is a quadruple threat - hot, fit, can sing and can put his brick anywhere. I feel like I want to do things in a feverish passion when he is around - I'm Rebecca Mornay to a breast pump in the Hand that Rocks the Cradle.
Text Scott to 191010Casey (Donovan/Jimmy) Barnes went full tilt on the Powderfinger pedal with “On My Mind”. I didn't really feel the connection. Dicko did try and cross examine him, trying to pull out the strand of uniqueness that he would need to show Australian teenagers aged circa 13 to 15 to get some votes. I suspect that everyone's favourite blind Idol will be ousted fairly quickly.
Make that second favourite, Berns here is always no 1 to me.
Hayley Warner sang “Light Surrounding You” by Evermore. And her parents are butchers. Snap to that. The Marcia-God pulled out some stock comments - 'you know darling, that is one of my favourite songs of all time. Well done darling. Well done' - so this leads me to believe that Kim is on Marcia's hit list in '09 (it's always someone).
James dribbled out The Fray’s “How To Save A Life”. James is the 09 version of Dean Geyer - except without the backflips. I don't know if he can cut the mustard week in, week out. I will refrain from otherwise paying him out whilst the talent jury is still out.
Sabrina Teenage Psycho Bitch screeched like a wailing banshee through MJ's “Earth Song”. Dicko doesn't know who she is but one thing is clear - she is fucking nuts. And she looks like she might get the fangs out soon. Stay in your houses people!
Nathan sang “Stop and Stare”. Clinical. Next.
Stan literally held his hand up as an “Umbrella” whilst he sang the Rihanna song of the same name. Stan is clearly the judges favourite. Marcia gushed - I love hearing you sing, that's why you sing. No actually - it's not always about you Marcia, you self-absorbed FREAK!
Become one with the umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
Toby creeped it up. I felt like I was at the Arcadia after 12 pots but at least radiohead was on Idol - whoop!
Now painted blue and white to support Geelong - brick by brick.
Kim Cooper gave us her best whilst singing the Foo Fighters' “Best Of You”. And Kim has her tale of woe (bipolar daddy-o) but would prefer to focus on the here and now. Gosh, that's almost... completely sensible! And yes, watch this space --> not since the times of yore when Chanel Cole graced the Idol stage and purred out sex kitten-ish, Portishead-ish goodness has Marcia shown such scorn towards another female contestant. Time will tell whether Kim takes the cake from CC.
Tim whimpered out "Halo" for the attuned. Then openly praised Jesus for any American viewers. Not a total car crash. But a little dent in the rear fender. More choir boy than Jesus Christ Superstar.
Kate Cook got “Stuck In The Middle With You” and it was OK. Her country shirt is taking over from where the hat ends. This may mean that next week she dresses up as a hay bale.
Yeehaw.Tips for bottom 3 = Casey, Tim and James. Casey to get the boot.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Come and fucking get it.
With Peter Russell Clarke.
Ah the early childhood memories of his 5 minute show on the ABC with the catchy jingle (and the not-so-distant memories of Dave, WSO and I trying to remember the jingle in its entirety during our la road trip in France):
Come and get it, come and get it, with Peter Russell Clarke
In the city or the outback, he’s Australia’s brightest spark
Come and get it, come and get it, good food you’ll love to eat
Come and get it, come and get it, and there’s people you can meet.
Key change
Cook a shark or make a damper
Feed your ego or pack a hamper
On a farm or out at sea
Learn a recipe or threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Key change
Come and get it with Peter - G’Day - Russell - G’Day - Claaaaaarke…
G’Day, today we are going to sample this fucking ridiculous hamper... etc etc.
And just now I received his fabulous blooper reel in HD:
Quite.
Ah the early childhood memories of his 5 minute show on the ABC with the catchy jingle (and the not-so-distant memories of Dave, WSO and I trying to remember the jingle in its entirety during our la road trip in France):
Come and get it, come and get it, with Peter Russell Clarke
In the city or the outback, he’s Australia’s brightest spark
Come and get it, come and get it, good food you’ll love to eat
Come and get it, come and get it, and there’s people you can meet.
Key change
Cook a shark or make a damper
Feed your ego or pack a hamper
On a farm or out at sea
Learn a recipe or threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Key change
Come and get it with Peter - G’Day - Russell - G’Day - Claaaaaarke…
G’Day, today we are going to sample this fucking ridiculous hamper... etc etc.And just now I received his fabulous blooper reel in HD:
Quite.
The simple things in life are often the best.
And I'm not just talking about Kelloggs Cornflakes (which interestingly are not available in Bangalore, India, so my friend proposes to smuggle over a carton to sell on the black market in a week's time)...
I'm talking about what I saw on the weekend for the very first time --> the new main title of the The Simpsons:
While I have recently embraced Blu-Ray - Planet Earth and Band of Brothers have never made for finer viewing - I am not happy with the way Matt Groening et al have implemented the shift to HD.
My main beef with the new title sequence is that it has too many bells and whistles. If you pause at the minute mark, you will see all the key characters that had not yet featured in this overdone, overcooked and over the fucking top title sequence - including Ralph playing on a grave (WTF), Patty & Selma Bouvier sunbaking (EEEW) and, among a plethora of stupid jokes, Snake stealing Lou's gun (lame!)
To the creators of The Simpsons. Self-flagellation = overdue.
I'm talking about what I saw on the weekend for the very first time --> the new main title of the The Simpsons:
While I have recently embraced Blu-Ray - Planet Earth and Band of Brothers have never made for finer viewing - I am not happy with the way Matt Groening et al have implemented the shift to HD.
My main beef with the new title sequence is that it has too many bells and whistles. If you pause at the minute mark, you will see all the key characters that had not yet featured in this overdone, overcooked and over the fucking top title sequence - including Ralph playing on a grave (WTF), Patty & Selma Bouvier sunbaking (EEEW) and, among a plethora of stupid jokes, Snake stealing Lou's gun (lame!)
To the creators of The Simpsons. Self-flagellation = overdue.
It's a meeeeee, Mario.
Charles Martinet, the voice of Mario, was in town yesterday. And I can't help but feel disappointed knowing that he is just a short, middle aged, borderline ambino man. I guess I just thought it was some clever computer animation.
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