*Sigh*
It soon became clear that I heard better renditions of the salt and pepper in the rock recipe - Jet and Muse - the last time I was at Charlton's.
But here we are. After last's week fairly solid set of performances, I thought these puppies were thrown down.
I think you'll find that these were merely placed hereTo open proceedings on rock nite, we kicked out the suburban sweetheart, Ashleigh. She was in the bottom 3 along with Jimmy Donovan and Christian Tim. Kid A's tipping of 2 out of 3 was not bad. Not bad at all.
The judges were a little sad about this with the exception of the Marcia-God. She was wearing a fashion tribute to her favourite band, Banarama. Her face was puckered tightly and so she looked like a stone gargoyle. Perhaps too much botox this week sister-girlfriend?
Our special guest this week was Suzi Q. We drove down Devil Gate Drive... in a horse and cart. What was particularly scary about this performance was Suze's leather coated camel toe. I think she needed to say goodbye to the spray on onesie in the mid 90s and the moul-et. The hair took up half the stage by itself.
You don’t do rock n roll – it does you;similarly - you don't do mullets - they do you.
Given things were so lacking musically, I will not dwell on the performances too long. Perhaps the distinct absence of a porcine prince or princess is what's to blame? Confucius say: shallow pipes do not maketh the rock lord.
- Hayley Warner Bros - she did work it. Sadly it resembled a Yooralla ad more closely than a video clip.
- Jimmy Donovan - well, let's not talk about the singing because words can't describe how lame and shithouse it was. However, did you see the bevy of tatts adorning his buff arms? The most interesting one was on his inner right arm. I swear I saw three chests from the Totem Treasure slot machine. Is your gambling ruining your life? I think so. Please don't ruin mine any longer!
- Kate was 'under' Cook-ed. Query her true sexual preferences - man, woman or cow?
- Nathan put the brakes on his shimmies (thank God). There is a lot more left in his Idol tank though so he'll be baaaaaaaack.
- Toby did turn into a beetroot when he mused his way through Starlight. The band was shocking. Horrendous. The textured sounds of that song were being played from a little kids Casio piano... or the back of a Tibetan tin bucket.
- Tim was worst on ground. He tried very hard but yeah nah. Soz. It's a pity that moths ate his shirt in the green room backstage too.
- Sabrina Teenage Witch unleashed another round of screech. There was some emotions and tears and blah and blah. Not too bad. Kudos from the judges
- James is like a chia pet - he grows about a mm each week. I did like this. He reminds me of Peter Pan.
- Scott is so comfortable, he starting off dozing on the stage. The DJ scratching during this song was just embarrassingly bad. The singing was average. It's a good thing he's so hot. He'll get through to next week.
- Kim - would you stop singing like you are an American - Cooper. Act your race please.
- Stan - you brought Metallica to Idol. A+ for attitude and effort. But you are sadly, not a patch on James Hetfield.
Next week we have Mr Goodrem join us. Please tell me the theme is going to be... TV jingles. Yeah!
The possibilities are exciting:
- Doors Plus, no fuss.
- Go Harvey, Go Harvey, Go Harvey Norman! Go!
- Around the block, 13 cabs... 13 cabs, 13 cabs, 13 cabs
- Lubemobile, the mobbbbbbile mechanics
- Victory, victory, the winning blinds, 13 13 99
- Clive Peeeters, e, e, eeeeeasy
- Keep your eyes open for a barrrrrgain, CAR CITY!
- Come in and see the good good good guys, pay cash and we'll slash the prices
- Ray's Tent City, come see what we've got, from tents to barbeques, we've got the lot
- And my personal fav: Call call carpet call, the experts in the trade
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