Seasons eatings and a sojourn.

Hi all

I am off next week to France and then New York. I will return to our sunny shores in mid January. WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This picture is apt, don't you think?

I know you will all miss me much. Like Janet sings about.


But I know it's time for a holiday when I am in vehement agreeance with another Janet.

Ta ta then.

xxx

Seven words or less.

Short and punchy. Distilling key elements. Condensed. Like milk in a tiny tube:

Not from cow.

Name of the game = seven words or less.

First, movies:

Under Siege
Chef. Cake. Boobs. Busey is bad guy.

Footloose
Church. Can't dance. Sexual frustration. Can dance.

Mulholland Drive
Lust. Midget. Open the box. Death. Lust.

Snakes on a Plane
Snakes on a Plane.

Finding Nemo
Ocean. Lame jokes. They find him.

The Big Lebowski
Dude. Bowling. Dude. Pee on rug. Nihilists.

Quantum of Solace
Zzzz. Action. Gratuitous sex scene. Twist. Zzzz.

Second, books:

My Life - Bill Clinton
President. Peace in Israel. No inhale. Blowjob.

Mao: A Life - Phillip Short
Ordinary guy. Wins wars. Chaos. Dead tyrant.

Bible
Babies without sex. Miracles. Dead. No body.

Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer
Premium. Jews. Randy dog. Potato on floor.

The Gathering - Anne Enright
Ireland. Distinct lack of potatoes. Angst. Alcohol.

Grug in the Playground - Ted Prior
Grug in the playground. Yay.

The Mighty Book of Boosh
Hahahaha. WTF? Hahahahaha.

Hit me.

Public service land - I salute you.

I have been undergoing a degree of blogging lethargy of late. I don't even have an excuse for being as lively and regular as a constipated camel. It's probably something to do with the large amount of work I've been doing.

Don't rub it in.

Sorry.

Anyway, good news! Last week, I won this:

Divine.

At a work thing. While there may be a degree of nepotism involved there, I will share the benefits with others on Friday.

Anyway, I thought it would be time to celebrate the oft-found-in-a-kitchen-or-bathroom-near-you, passive-aggressive office sign.

Somebody ain't me.

While some of you like the odd sink wash, I do think this may be a waste of A4 paper.

If my mother worked here, god help you all!

Who writes these chestnuts? I like to think the authors of these signs are righteous and self-aggrandising. They are smug bastards. They seek to push their virtuous view on to the rest of the world's occupants - where the 'world' refers to the tiny microcosm of space, encompassing the toilets, the kitchen and 2 or more partitioned office spaces.

I could write more but I have a headache :/

According to Doyle.

Good day fellow travellers! I hope you are feeling wonderful, wild and slightly moist on this Manic Monday.

Now I'm sure you have all seen the most controversial bit of news since the poolato incident at the Coogee Beach Hotel.

He's written a list and he's checking it twice.

Doyle's plan is to rid Melbourne's CBD of the badly talented buskers.

We find this proposal slightly disquieting

Tell me about it.

The reasoning behind this is that Doyle does not want the city to be a 'bogan magnet'. Ummm... unfortunately dear Doyle, the bogans are not getting pulled into the gravitational force being administered by Mr S. Manipulator esq. nor are they magnetically attracted to Bernadette's fingers dancing over her gilded piano accordion.

Instead it is a simple network effect - one bogan coming to the city, attracts another, and another...

"Oh my gawwd, Jeht, JEHT, are you coming? Look at this Jeht. JEHT! This is fucking top shit. Hey dipshit, get over here or I will fucking hurt you! Can you fucking hear me Jeht? Do you want me to hurt you fuckface? I'll smash you. etc etc"

Birds of a feather flock together Doyle. Don't you forget it.

And why buskers? Buskers are fabulous! Allowing buskers to turn a buck on our city streets foists some seriously quirky characters on to the public consciousness (several very literally larger than life). It also incites vociferous debate and provides ample opportunities to ridicule those that are utterly convinced of their vocal supremacy when they actually sound like the worst thing that came out of this country musically since Toni Pearen's first single produces many quasi-polished performances.

Doyle - one day in, and you are already headed for a mayorship that can be depicted graphically as thus:

Most liveable city --> a city in shambles

Fin.