Masterchef has jumped the shark at the last.

Last night, Masterchef Australia was a complete JOKE.

It bounded over the superorder selachimorpha in one fell swoop:

This phenomenon occurred with the elimination of Chris I'm-kind-of-a-big-deal Badenoch.

Julie's emotional plea juxtaposed against Chris's arrogant I-want-to-win-so-I-can-say-I'm-a-winner diatribe shows that you don't even have to be that talented to ensure your dreams can come true. One small tug of the proverbial heart strings means you not only send a solid fist up Chris's special enclave designed to be the outlet for no 2s, but get the chance to win when you SUCK.

Julie did not even FINISH the challenge. She made BORING BORING BORING meals. It should have been an open and shut case - bye bye Julie, 38, IT Consultant from NSW.

But instead, that piffle about an empty last chapter - pfffffft - in conjunction with the 'my sons will be shown unequivocally that you can achieve your dreams' got her over the line. And there was some seriously bizarre chemistry between Jules and Donna you-are-a-thieving-money-hungry-bitch Hay.

WHYYYYYYYY did this happen?

Julie has barely scraped through all week. She has been lucky that someone has stuffed up even more than her - Lucas, Julia and then I'm-still-coping-with-her-elimination-and-in-therapy Justine. Apart from Chris's Malaysian vomit-titous disaster, he has won or come second all week. Showing that he can mix it with the best of them and making desserts that are not meant to be baked by human beings. He may be arrogant but he can back it up.

And in terms of growth over the time in the Masterchef kitchen, Chris HAS. While he has been meat + beer-centic, he has evolved. Last night he put up three interesting dishes with twists that combine his old flames and his flashy, new techniques. As did Poh's art-astic 100 year old egg and dumplings and swampy green goop (although this is not without its issues - see below), coupling colour with sheer stinkiness... and somehow making it taste quite unlike a public toilet with 5L of diarrheoa. Kudos.

But what did Julie cook? A lamb roast. Pedestrian cuisine. Even I, the cooking-free individual, think that is bloody shit.

Well yes, it's still preferable to a date with couch jumping scientologists.

Let us review the brief. DH says - it has to be lickable, it had to be about presentation and about innovation.

I ask you this Australia: How is same old, same old lamb roast innovative? How is flourless chocolate cake without any sauce or cream 'lickable'? How is chicken with pistachio nuts in it presentable to someone that wants to actually STAY AWAKE for more than one second?

Whilst Chris might have had some taste issues with his dishes, there should have been some recognition that he used those weird pressure cooker things. And was just generally awesome over the last two months.

As noted above, another point of: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY did that happen related to Poh.

Poh - why, when given just "5 minutes" in a pantry, can she suddenly find the hardest of hard ingredients to find at Asian supermarkets? And then quickly plan three brilliant recipes? I smell a rat. She had to have had prior knowledge of the pantry containing the 100 year old egg and the squid ink and the green mush stuff.

Whilst I am all about The Poh after the cruel exit of Chris:

Future winner.

I am still secretly wishing I could slide into an alternate reality where Justine is pitted against Chris in the ultimate cooking Battle Royale.

I'm off to Macca's now - YOU SEE CHANNEL 10, YOU SEE WHAT YOU MAKE ME DO TO MYSELF??????!?

Actually I'm only going to the Golden Arches because I now need to save up for (1) a trip to Chris's restaurant; (2) Chris's cookbook From Snout to Tail: from Stout to Ale; and (3) Julie's cookbook Our family table, just so I can burn it alongside John Lithgow from Footloose - mwhahahhahahaaha.