Asleep at the wheel.

Wake up Australia! While Jabba was correctly in the bottom 2, Wes had his first undeserved brush with near elimination. Noooooooooo.

Wes strumming his guitar // Jabba trying to be cool

This sad event has shocked me to the core. I might even vote next week. I implore you all to do the same.

Over and out.

Numero uno de Estados Unidos.

This week we celebrated the cream of the crop from the sweet land of Liberty. American No 1's.

Chris Isaak was this week's guest host. Described as someone who does not follow trends, but someone who creates them... well I must say that this broad generalisation is true if you couch it in terms of adorning oneself in backwards facing dominoes.

It is worth the squint to see the black domino jacket.

This year's winner star performer was up first. Wes Carr. While he has already ruled out singing Born to Run given his Dancin' in the Dark effort for 80s night, he did sing an equally challenging rock song - When You Were Young. And wasn't he just (insert positive polysyllabic adjective here)? Chris invited him to wine and dine and 69 with him and the Killers producer. Just say gourmet!

Would you like more jus with that?

Next up was Jabba, who as they say, could bring tears to the most dried out glass eye. Jabba took off before the starting gun had fired -- a common problem. But he did find his situation hilarious, which was refreshing, given he is a fairly solid wooden performer. No Such Thing - well, the falsetto was quite brilliant in the chorus but, on the whole, it was more shopping centre than Seymour Centre.

What do you mean I'm wooden?

Then it was Spanner Man - how many times can you start off sitting on the step, you slack f&*k? - who sang Chris Isaak's Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing. Then he stood up and proceeded to do a whirlpool on stage - the camera followed, giving everyone at home a bout of vertigo. Well yes it was pretty good but the sprays of ladyjuice were coming a bit too thick and fast from the judges - keep it in your pants!

I feel sick.

Last up was Shearer. He had visited the Wizard of Oz during the week to ask for some hair advice. The devilish pointer beard has gone bye-bye. This was a piece of drivel. I can't even remember the song - some Christian band piece... blurgh blurgh blah blah.

You forgot to ask for some style.

Wes take 2. The Marcia-God's acid had kicked in by this stage as she gushed: "You know what I'm going to say about getting it, you just get it." Exactly. Can I just say that the tie was fantastic? Love it. But I do think you look quite like the English Springer Spaniel that I want to get in early '09...

Awwwwww so cute

Teale looked like JT when he walks into a magic mirrors hall... a lot shorter, a lot wider. And the wooden sway has turned into a cheesy swagger. Kyle shook his tush and we all vomited. I have mentally blocked most of this 3 minutes out.

This picture is to scale.

Spanish then sung Everybody Hurts. God this was good. As Marcia-God says: I have nothing to say.

Astronomical nothingness.

Shearer capped off the show with a performance that was just schiezenhausen. His t-shirt looked like Skeletor wearing a Guns N Roses hat, which did not match the song. Only a cardigan clad octogenarian would have enjoyed this.

Apply alcohol liberally.

Bottom 2 = Shearer and Jabba with a so long to Shearer. And can I just say I really don't like his soft side, he needs to HTFU:


Amen.

Band of brothers.

Or Band of BROS for those partial to abbreviations:

When will I, will I, be famous (again)?

So we have a final four that is all hóminem.

Wes - our fav here at COACM - has elected to sing (1) What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong and (2) When We Were Young by The Killers. Solid choices. (1) is probably a good one for the Mums and may even produce a goosebump or two. (2) is arguably one of the best rock songs to be released in the last two years. Indeed, I've seriously rocked out to it on Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock.

Nos agere gratias tibi.

Spanner has chosen (1) Chris Isaak's Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing in fine brownnosing style (Chris Isaak is this week's guest host) and (2) REM's Everybody Hurts in a push to jerk a tear of affection from our cruel little souls. Will it work? Time will tell...

Dicentes una voce.

Jabba is singing (1) JT's What Goes Around and (2) John Mayer's No Such Thing. Clearly both are going to be delivered in soulful yet blitheringly boring style. He will massacre (1) - I doubt even Wes could produce a good JT cover - but hopefully he can produce something worth listening to for (2).

Effúndere divínitas.

Finally, Shearer, is going to belt out (1) One of these Nights by The Eagles and (2) With Arms Wide Open by Creed. They will probably be delivered in that screechy, almost-loud-enough-to-clear-out-a-jungle-of-wild-animals tone... or wannabe Barnesy. Touch and go.

Inítium tui finis.

The microphone do not maketh the man

Random Latin aside... I wonder whose microphone will be left standing on Monday night? Hit me.

Election result.

Daily Kos' pictorial representation of the result. I likey.

Strong allegorical overtones...

I am a fan of allegories. George Orwell's Animal Farm is dear to my heart.

However, speaking of allegories and animal farm...



YIKES!

I'll let that speak for itself.

And then there is this other gem - my favourite double entendre of the day:

I Did It Again.

I missed Idol last night. Um-mah!

However, due to the fact that not many people are at my place of employ today, I have had the honour and privilege that is normally bestowed upon those that have a relatively normal (read: not incredibly sh*t) Internet connection. No way! Way...

ARGGGGGGGGGH - you cannot be serious!?!?

Trust me, I am very serious.

I just loved the group performance as it showcased Wes' incredible ability to moonwalk, got me very excited about the upcoming SYTYCD series and showed that Jabba is not only a blob but a blob made of the hardest of hard mahogany. Never have I seen such a wooden sway, obviously he was not allowed to attend Blue Light Discos in Year 8. I mean, even Shearer had more rhythm. Shame, shame, shame.

I just can't take it any more.

Now to the performances, in order of import:

Wes - you are my hero (and Facebook friend). You can sing AND dance. You are better than every Idol that has come before you (yes, BIG call, but it is there to be made). You are world class. Speaking of that big ol' world, in a world first, the Marcia-God gave you a touchdown. What more can I say?

Shearer - yes, Shearer you are my no 2 this week. The Way You Make Me Feel was an interpretive (wet) dream. Well that's how I felt anyway... You FINALLY delivered. Sing it again for me brother. One more week for you.

Chrislyn - you were pretty f*n awful. Your pitch was all over the shop. You sounded like a cat in a bag not just waiting but actually drowning. However, amidst such stellar pieces of shit from Spanner and Jabba, you will be around to fight/sing another day.

Spanner - this was nothing short of a sonic assault. Nightwatchmens' dogs all yelped in extreme pain upon hearing this heinous dribble. You SUCKKKKKKKKK!

Jabba- your performance was all shades of FAIL. A hydraulic drill being rudely inserted into my nose has more appeal. The bottom 3 has never been more of a certainty for you.

See look, definitely more appeal

I wish it was just the last week at the Opera House already...

*Sigh*

So anyway, bottom 3 is clearly going to be Chrislyn, Spanner and Jabba with a Jabba exit. Ta ta!

And we will suffer at the mere thought of you singing one more f*g note...

Obaminator: Rise Against the Machines

Just wanted to say a quick 'good one' to Obaminator. He has (almost) outplayed, outwitted and outlasted the two toughest political machines in the United States - (1) the GOP:

Meredith - we have a bad elephant!

And (2) the Clintons:

So you really made Bill sleep on the White House couch for an ENTIRE year? You go girl.

It is in your nature to destroy yourself... major drag, huh?

Go OBAMANITOR!