A rolling stone gathers no [Ian] moss

Last night, the Idols took it in turns to honour the band that got their fingers sticky, had beggars at their banquets and had a goats head in their soup.

Lap up that goats eyeball

A few disappointing aspects for me: (1) There was no one to guide the Idols at rehearsals. While this meant that they could focus on singing to the best of their abilities rather than listening to some twat pontificate about their experience in the music industry, it meant that I have one less person to mock mercilessly. (2) No one sang Paint it, Black. (3) No one sang (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. (4) No one sang Brown Sugar. (5) Jabba sang well. Duor.

The Marcia-God was once again donning a puffy shirt. WTF?! That makes it two weeks in a row! Is classic pirate back in fashion this spring?

Sister-girlfriend needs to get some diversity in her wardrobe - know what I'm sayin'?

Without further adieu, let us review the performances. In order of appearance:

(1) Wes jumped out of the blocks with Jumpin' Jack Flash. A perfect adaptation of the swagger of Jagger. He whoopi-ed it in. Hail, hail the Messiah. etc etc.

Forget walking on water, jumping over an entire city is where its at

(2) Roshani sang Wild Horses. Most fondly remembered as the song that was playing during the special rollercoaster ride shared by Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg in Fear... mmm hmmm. Good times.



Roshani's horses quickly turned into wee little Shetland ponies. Rosh also looks like she had a run in with Edward Scissorhands backstage. I fear it is close to last drinks for this sulty saloon singer.

(3) Luke crooned out another bit of musical diarrhoea. While the hair on his head is doing a slow fade into the realms of his crown, he appears to be trying to compensate by letting his facial hair - dirty mo, chops the size of Texas and gritty stubble - further encroach upon his ugly face. Honky Tonk all the way home to the shearing shed, I say.

Alrighhhhht

(4) While shearer's Star Wars compadre, Jabba, absolutely gutted the song of its oomph and inserted a sense of the spiritual Kumbaya... it wasn't that bad. My ears didn't bleed for once. You Can't Always Get What You Want - however, I think, at least for Teale, you will get what you want for at least another week.

Jabba head

(5) Chris+lyn continues to enhance and expand her vocal range (not to mention her mid section) each week. Get off of my cloud went down with a shake shake shake of those enormous arms and a wobble wobble wobble of those colossal thighs. Dicko picked up on this and likened her to the great Dawn French. I guess I'm not that subtle.

Are those fitballs under your vestment or are you just DDD?

(6) Vin chose to sit and deliver a rock ballad softserve. It was a stellar performance by the resident rock bloke. Only to be outdone by himself, with a tearjerking story about learning Angie the Year Before His Voice Broke, this softserve even had chocolate sprinkles.

The hair do not maketh the man

What did you think?

Well I don't even watch the show.

No, not you. What did everyone else think?

I say: it's time to go Shearer. Roshy will have her sweet yet savoury hide saved for another week. Jabba will round up the bottom 3 but will be put back on the safety couch first.