Seeing double.

Has anyone else noticed that our beloved leader, Kevin Rudd, tends to have a bevy of beauties surrounding him whenever he steps up to the plate for question time?

Obviously the word beauty here is adopted in quite a liberal sense (not Liberal, liberal).

L to R: Julia Gulia, Yvette, Julie and Jodie.

L to R: JG, YD, JuC, JoC and man with red tie.

But there was this one time that Yvette was away [on band camp]:

L to R: Gilly, not Yvette, Jules, Jodes and man with grey tie.

Never again Yvette. Not even one sickie. Did you hear me? NEVER AGAIN. NOT EVEN ONE.

Ahem.

To ensure this sad, devasting, inhumane event never happens again, I think the Rudd Government needs to consider putting some understudies for these four ladies on the books. The understudies could step in when one of Kev's Angels comes down with a cold, is over in Paris swanning around at the taxpayers expense or is stuck in the toilet with no square to spare.

Who is qualified to fill these important roles? I must say it's quite a tough gig. I couldn't do it. Hell, even Kevin couldn't do it when he was on the backbench!

Let's consider what it involves. First, one must be well versed in the following gestures:

• polite nods of approval when policy initiatives are announced
  
• the odd "hear hear" when a particularly pertinent point is made
• a little guffaw or hehehehe when Ruddski throws in a small-sized giggle
• a laugh or two when the Big Man tells a joke or when the Opposition says anything stupid
  
• dour look when there is a crisis...

The list goes on.

Second, one must be able to perform these gestures in unison with at least the other Angels, if not, the whole Labor team.

Third, they should bear a relatively close resemblance to either Julia, Yvette, Julie or Jodie.

Here's what I came up with:

(1) Julia Guillard's understudy = Tilda Swinton

Tilda might have to "bar down" on the necklace front but otherwise she will be suitably qualified. Gestures and unison - check - given she is an (almost) A-list actor. Resemblance - check - a refined ranga with thin lips and a long nose. Tilda just needs to work on those earlobes.

(2) Yvette Dath's understudy = Claire van der Boom

Who? Well she is in Rush, although I think she carks it this week... And was also in Love my Way. Claire might need to get a quick and nasty dye job but otherwise is a good pick on the resemblance front. May fall a bit shy of the unison, but that's to be expected of a first term MP.

(3) Julie Collins = Sigrid Thornton

Again, a stellar pick by me. Parliament will be sure to get a boost in the ratings from those that yearn for the days of yore... when Laura Gibson was lusting after Diver Dan (oh and didn't we all?)

(4) Jodie Campbell = Sigourney Weaver circa 1979

The resemblance is quite astounding, don't you think? I checked and Sigs is more than happy to do it. Now about that time machine... hmmm...

And then, last but not least, Kevin Rudd = Sam Neill:

A wee bit of talcum powder in the hair and an upgrade from polysterene to porcelain and hey presto, we have ourselves a winner!