Choose your own adventure.

Last night on Idol, contestants were given the right to choose. How progressive!

Fillipina Lydia Arena was brought in to assist the three wise men guys. And isn't Teens a little dynamo? I have fond childhood memories of slam dancing to her smash hit debut I Need Your Body, which was on my Hits of 1990 album. And she was my third favourite on YTT after Joey Perrone and Jamie Churchill. But I must say, for someone that has been raised as a lovely Catholic lass, she did rather crudely point out the key difference between herself and the three Idol contestants.

Three of these things belong together
Three of these things are kind of the same
Can you guess which one of these doesn't belong here?
Now it's time to play our game.

James Mathieson -- bless his little cotton sox -- was a bit more bold, describing the final 3 as a sausage fest.

Mmmm tasty mystery meat.

Insert seamless segue here.

To the 6 performances:

(1) Shearer performed Stuck in the Middle with You. Shearer astutely informed the audience that he has loved this song for a long time, like I don't know, since he was a kid. Wow. Such profundity. I thought this was comme ci, comme ca. Interestingly he did a bit of left-right pointing -- clowns to the left, jokers to the right -- to all the twig-sized tweens. And I did sense a hint of prevarication from the judges, particularly Dicko.

Stuck in the middle with you, silly!

(2) Spano sung a mellow rock thang. Something you would expect to hear on Triple M along with James Blunt. Not surprisingly, I had never heard it before. And frankly, I do not want to hear it again. Not even in the tiny 2 second wrap up package! The only saving grace with this performance was the matrix-esque design graphic behind his little scarred head. That was slightly odd. A bit WTF actually.

Whatever.

(3) Wes then sang Easy. Proof that a mellow song on Idol does not always send you into a coma! The harmonica was simply magical. The judges all frothed at the mouth. Tina and Wes bonded over both being kiddy fiddled educated at the Johnny Young Talent School. Happy happy joy joy.

Exciting -- like being touched for the VERY first time.

(4) Shearer then crooned I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues. Lukey was a bit pitchy poos. Although, to his credit, he slowly built it into something half listenable. But can I just say? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This could be put on one of those sleep tapes. And what was the deal with the blue, flashing background? Too trippy for my liking.

Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again.

(5) Mark smoothed us over with some Santana. Tina and the Marcia-God were gushing... Dicko and Kyle were just as loved up. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me but I just can't bring myself to like/care/give a flying piece of faecal matter about this guy. I've tried and tried but nothing, zilch, zip... A real vanilla performance.

Care factor = 0.

(6) Finally, Wes took off into outer space with Get Back. There was a TV throw, a touchdown... next will come a record deal, a plethora of fame and fortune and a miracle or two. He CAN and WILL do anything... perhaps he could even get his gorgeous girlfiend Charlie a new gig on a different soap?

I'll have a clean sweep at the Grammy's, a sell out world tour and 10 grams of the finest Charlie please.

On the basis of last night's performances, I'm fairly sure that Spanner will be told to leave the building. Leaving Shearer and Wes alone in the Idol love shack...

Like two men away at war...

And Mark. He will be alone, listless... watching the clock, its 4 o'clock. etc etc.

Let me taste your tears hippy!

Roll on next week, roll on.