Labels are bad, mmmkay.

Mmmkay, mmmkay, mmmkay, mmmkay!

When you get your prescription meds from the chemist...

Hang on. Let me just branch off here to tell you what really grinds my gears. Why does it take a good 10, sometimes 20, minutes for some university-educated doctor-wannabe to stick a printed out sticker that bears my name and dosage per day on the front of my pill box/bottle??? Why oh why??? The mind boggles at what the pharmacist does for the other 8.2 minutes not spent typing the info into the computer and printing this sticker. I can have a guess though. And it's sick. Very disturbing.

... anyway, when you get your prescription meds at the chemist, there is usually a quick back and forth with the person in the white coat:

I'm going to have to re-examine you, if that's OK?

You wish.

Pharmacist: Take these 2 to 3 times a day with food.

You: OK, thanks

But you REALLY want to say something like: As opposed to swallowing the whole bottle of pills and bottle itself in an unsavoury fit of blood lust, which you think I might do without you telling me this interesting morsel of information? And do you think I can't read this large, courier type, 10 point size, in CAPS, font on the sticker? And why does it take you so long to write these stickers, you unproductive piece of runny turd!

Pharmacist: And remember that these pills make you drowsy so don't operate heavy machinery.

You: OK. I won't drive.

But you REALLY want to say: That's a crying shame. I really wanted to drive my forklift over to Macca's place to use his lathe to finish off my wooden handle on my self-powered rocket. And I was then going to use my self-powered rocket - that puppy has some serious torque, mind you - to zoom off down the West Gate Freeway to the Ford assembly factory in Corio to operate the machine that inserts the engines in the latest Ghia models.

Anyway...

Warning labels.

Inside the pill packets are large bits of paper that are carefully folded up into a tiny sliver. A wisp. These contain the ins and outs of all the possible side effects that might occur if you take other medication in conjunction with this medication, masticate with an AIDS-infested camel, or are otherwise verry unrucky.

Under no circumstances should you read these warnings.

Why?

Well research has shown that those expecting to feel ill can bring on illness in some cases. This is known as the "nocebo effect" - the placebo effect's evil stepbrother.

One particularly cruel nocebo experiment in the 1960s found that when patients were given sugar water and told it would make them vom, 80% of them had to ride the porcelain bus. Wow.

The Cranberries got it right when they said: 'it's in your heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd, in your heeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddd.'